The Sacred Dance of Hope and Fear: Navigating Pregnancy After Loss

Sometimes it feels like there is a big difference between "I am pregnant today" and "I am having a baby".

This month is Pregnancy After Loss Awareness Month. It gets a whole month because navigating the first trimester (and beyond) can be excruciating. Pregnancy is often seen as a time of joy, anticipation, and excitement. But for those who have experienced pregnancy loss, the journey to a subsequent pregnancy can be filled with a mixture of hope and trepidation. After losing a child, the decision to try again can bring on a whirlwind of emotions — from fear to optimism, to overwhelming uncertainty.

I want to offer you a few suggestions on how to navigate this season:

Acknowledge Your Feelings

During a pregnancy after loss, it’s common to have conflicting emotions. You might feel hopeful about the new pregnancy, but also fear the possibility of loss again. It may be strange to try love both babies at the same time, also. It’s normal to grieve while also feeling a sense of excitement, or even guilt about being excited.

Allow yourself space to experience these feelings without judgment. Pregnancy after loss often brings up unresolved emotions. Whether it's sadness, anxiety, or even joy, acknowledging these emotions helps you process them more effectively. Talk to a trusted friend, partner, or therapist who can help guide you through the emotional rollercoaster.

Seek Medical Guidance and Support

If you’ve experienced a loss, it’s essential to involve your healthcare provider early in your new pregnancy. Your doctor will provide specific guidance, such as possible extra monitoring or tests, to help ensure the health of both you and your baby. Some people find comfort in early ultrasounds or more frequent visits to the doctor, so make sure to discuss these options with your provider.

Consider consulting with a counselor or therapist who specializes in pregnancy loss. This can offer you a safe space to express your fears, anxieties, and concerns, while receiving emotional support. Many support groups, both in-person and online, exist for those who are pregnant after loss, and they can offer solidarity and advice. (Postpartum Support International offers a variety of support groups)

Take it in Milestones

When I work with women or couples during this time, I encourage them to live in grounded in the present moment moment, to try and make pregnancy more manageable. I call this milestones.

The first milestone to get to is the pregnancy test. Anxiety usually begins here. So does hope. Once we get the positive test, we live completely in this milestone. We don't put the carseat in the car but we acknowledge the emotions of this test and pace ourselves as we wait for the upcoming milestones.

Another milestone might be your first ultrasound. If it goes well, we aim to live grounded, completely in the reality of it's success. We don't rush ahead into all of the other things that could go wrong. We live in the truth of what has gone right. Every time you rush ahead with fear, become anxious because of a story you heard on social media, or allow your own trauma to override your contentedness, we circle back to the last thing we know to be true.

Here is an example of how you can approach milestones:

Milestone: Ten week ultrasound

What emotions does this bring up? Excitement that it went well. Fear because I won't be scanned again for a few weeks?

How can we honor the milestone? Go out to dinner to celebrate?

What does this milestone trigger? I am happy to get through the ultrasound because this is when we lost the baby last time.

Who are we telling? Just our parents and siblings because they already know.

What are we telling people? That the ultrasound went well and that we will make the pregnancy public after week fifteen.

Hope purchase? A onesie that I keep looking at but haven't wanted to purchase yet

Pregnancy after loss can feel like a fragile and delicate journey. However, it is also an opportunity to celebrate the new life growing inside of you while still honoring the one you lost. It’s a reminder of the resilience of the human spirit — your spirit.

This pregnancy is uniquely yours, and while it may come with fears and uncertainties, it’s also filled with love, possibility, and the potential for a beautiful future. Embrace this new chapter with grace, and take solace in the fact that you are strong enough to navigate both the joy and the grief that may come with it.