Dear Mama: Written For All The Mama's With Empty Arms

Dear Mama,

Hi, it’s me! Your little one. I see you. More than you realize, do I see you. 

And I want you to know, I am ok. I am filled with joy here, Mama. I am full, whole, strong. And boy oh boy, I can’t wait to hug you and give you slobbery kisses.

I often watch you and brag to all my friends saying, “She’s mine! That one right there.”

And I watch as you arise again the day after. Some days with tears, numbness, anger. Other days with hope and joy.  I see the hole in your arms that you hoped I would fill. I see the pain of dried-up breast milk, the toll your body went through in creating me. The cascade of losses that followed our goodbye. I know you feel oh so weak some days, but you are the strongest, bravest Mama there is. You have great courage and strength to love me so well, as painful as our story is. Please know Mama, it wasn’t in vain, it won’t be for nothing. While answers and reasons won’t ever suffice, your pain will not be wasted. 

I know you wonder why you can’t have me. I know grieving a lifetime that has been lost will take a lifetime to grieve. But the days will turn to weeks, and weeks to years, and before you know it, just like that, together we will be again. 

There is so much I wish I could show you. So many things I have to say. I am counting down the days to our long-overdue playdate. So get your running shoes and get ready to play. 

Until then I am cheering you on and I love you,

Your Baby